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Testing - Biodrux

Hi… i hope you can NOT read this… it’s only supposed to go to ONE PLACE… crossing fingers

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Katrina Hamilton, Thespian, Flautist, and New HerbHolist.com Blogger

When I first started working at JBNI, I was skeptical. It’s a pretty natural reaction, and one the company gets often. Some of the products seem too good to be true, and warrant the question, “If it’s so great, why haven’t I heard of it before?”

Well, I decided to do a very unscientific test of my own. My parents were remodeling a room in my childhood home and I was helping them to clear out the shelves and shelves of books they’ve accumulated over the years.

The first day I was only able to do it for about two hours before I had to stop. The dust was too much for me, and my allergies had me sneezing every few seconds. I went back a week later, hoping to finish the rest of the books. This time I took a dose of Atmen beforehand. It was the same room, the same shelves of books, the same levels of dust. It was five hours into packing boxes that I sneezed for the first time. This was when I first remembered that I was supposed to take a second dose after the first four hours.

The dust was too much for me, and my allergies had me sneezing every few seconds

I had forgotten that I was taking something. I had actually forgotten that I was allergic to dust. I opted not to take anymore so as to test how quickly and severely my symptoms would return. In the remaining two hours I sneezed maybe a dozen times total, and it only barely interfered with my work. I couldn’t believe it.

A part of me actually can’t wait until spring rolls around, or the next time I dust my room, or when I make friends with someone who owns twenty cats, just so I can test it out again.

Having heard stories from other people who have taken JBNI products, I’m starting to understand the real blessing and curse of it all. You don’t actually realize you’re taking medicine, you just feel…fine. You just feel normal and healthy and medically unremarkable. I suppose this is probably because there aren’t any side effects, so unlike most stuff you’re not just trading one ailment for a lesser one. And isn’t that the real idea anyway?

__

Katrina is funny. You can follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/batgirl31413

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7 Ways To Know If You Cause Your Pup Anxiety

FCC Disclosure: JBNI produces this blog and produces 100% Powerful and All-Natural Bioprin for Your Pets When they Are Suffering.

“It was determined that the lump was a viral papilloma, a term meaning viral wart. But a little more than a month later, it came back. It was growing faster than before and was even worse looking. I sought out several opinions and I was told that some options were another surgery, cryogenics, or laser removal…Some human topical medications were also proposed but I was concerned about Divot licking the medication off and there was no way I was going to put her in an E-collar for the duration of the treatment. I called Marina and asked if she could help. She said she could. She suggested 3 products: One was a product called Bioprin” - http://www.yorkietalk.com

Do you cause your dog anxiety?

If you’re not sure or are sure that you don’t you’re prolly freaking him out already.  Let’s face it - human beings can be an anxious bunch.  We are unruly, inconsistent, and sometimes extremely unaware.  And who has to deal with it without a word of complaint?  Pets.  Now, if you have an issue free pet feel free to skip straight to posting pet photos in the comments section.  But if you have a dog who just can’t contain her excitement (read: urine) or barks all day while you’re at work then this post is for you.

Of course, your pet’s anxiety may not be your fault.  Some breeds of dog are prone to anxiety.  Some of the most common symptoms of anxiety in dogs include

1. excessive licking

2. pacing

3. frequent barking

if you have an issue free pet feel free to skip straight to posting pet photos in the comments

4. over frequent urination

5. urinating or defecating in the house. 

One of the most common forms of pet anxiety is

6. separation,

but some dogs also develop anxiety related to specific fears like

7. fireworks

Bonus: 8. Woody Allen flicks.

If it’s the latter, he may just be concerned about your taste in movies.

[Anxiety prone breeds: Great Danes, German short-haired pointers, German shepherd dogs, bull terriers, Jack Russell terriers, Dalmatians, Bouvier de Flanders, salukis, Cairn terriers, basset hounds, and soft-coated Wheaton terriers.]

via: icanhascheezburger.wordpress.com

So, what do you do if your dog has separation anxiety?  You could buy a baby bjorn and pack him around with you everywhere you go.  For some, that may be the answer (please, please, please post a pic if this is you) but for those of you who want to maintain a sane facade I’ll briefly summarize the options.

Usually the first step in any kind of anxiety treatment for a dog is to make sure she is getting lots of exercise. Then make sure that there is a daily routine which incorporates feeding, walking, and playtime.  If your dog suffers from separation anxiety specifically, you should learn about behavior modification for dogs and use some desensitization techniques to get her used to your absence.  These techniques typically start with brief periods of separation (like walking to the next room and then returning), gradually increasing the time of separation as your dog becomes more comfortable.  Also, eliminating triggers like your I’m-about-to-leave routine (you know… coat, keys, phone, wallet, door) and not fussing over your pet when you come home are good ways to avoid reinforcing your dog’s anxious behavior.  For a great overview on separation anxiety in pets, visit http://www.thepawblog.com/severe-pet-anxiety .

If your pet just isn’t responding to behavioral techniques or is reacting well to the training but still needs more help, some vets recommend medication.  According to www.vetinfo.com, there are four main categories of medications used for treating anxiety in dogs. 1) Acemaprozine:  Acemaprozine is a dog tranquilizer most commonly used during surgery to prevent vomiting but it is also used to relax excitable dogs.

2) Tricyclic antidepressants:  The main drugs used from this category are Amitriptyline (Elavil) and Clomipramine (Clomicalm).  These drugs shouldn’t be used if your dog has been on MAOIs within the previous two weeks.  Side effects include constipation, dry eyes, dizziness, dry mouth, lethargy, appetite loss, nausea, and urinary retention.

3) Flouxetine:  Prozac or Reconcile are SSRIs and suppress Seratonin.  These drugs shouldn’t be used if your dog is pregnant, nursing, or taking MAO inhibitors.  Side effects include cold-like symptoms, diarrhea, dizziness, dry mouth, lethargy, loss of appetite, weakness, and weight loss.

4) Vistaril:  Vistaril is an allergy medication that is generally used to treat allergies but sometimes used as a sedative for dogs with anxiety.  Side effects include dizziness, lethargy, blurred vision, confusion, dry mouth, nausea, and vomiting.  http://www.vetinfo.com/dog-anxiety-medication.html

via ihasahotdog.wordpress.com

If you’re not too keen on the idea of giving your special fur person medications with so many potential side effects, you may want to investigate natural remedies.  Popular natural remedies include homeopathy, aromatherapy, flower essences, natural diets, and ancient Chinese herbal medicine.  Many pet owners have chosen alternative treatment options with great success.  Follow this link for an interesting article about Dr. Kathy King, a Kansas vet who specializes in holistic medicine: http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2009/aug/31/natural-pet-care-acupuncture-herbs-alternative-tre .

[“[Dr. King] put together this whole regimen of homeopathic and herbal medicines and acupuncture, and my dog is just doing well,” the Topeka resident says. “It’s been a year and a half (since the diagnosis) and, as far as we know, she’s cancer-free.”]  - One of Dr. King’s veterinary clients quoted in Natural pet care: Acupuncture, herbs alternative treatments for animals, by Sarah Henning.

If your dog suffers from separation anxiety specifically, you should learn about

So, if your dog pees on your bed every day while you’re at work, he may be trying to tell you something.  If your spouse pees on your bed… well, that’s another topic altogether.  Please be aware that there is more than one approach to treatment if your dog is suffering from anxiety and be sure to investigate all of your options.  If you have experience with this topic (the dog, not the spouse) please share your wisdom by commenting on this post below.  We might just credit you and quote you in our next blog post.

In fact, even if you have no wisdom at all feel free to share stories and pics of your anxious pets, or just ask questions.  We read your comments.  We do!

Sources:
http://www.dog-health-guide.org/anxietysymptomindog.html
http://www.thepawblog.com/severe-pet-anxiety
http://www.vetinfo.com/dog-anxiety-medication.html
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2009/aug/31/natural-pet-care-acupuncture-herbs-alternative-tre

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Super Antioxidants Zeaxanthin VS Astaxanthin: What the heck is the difference? OR NOAGIN vs NOAGIN Children's

FCC Disclosure: This blog is produced by JBNI Naturaceuticals who also produces NOAGIN for Children. Their most powerful total body super antioxidant formula

OK. So you may not have ever heard of either Zeaxanthin or Astaxanthin. The reason is simple. The scientific community didn’t know anything about them either. Heck, Vitamins were only discovered about 70 years ago! Doctors had no idea why sailors died from scurvy on long boat rides. Elmer V. McCollum and M. Davis discovered vitamin A from 1912–1914

By eliminating free radicals from cells through genetic means and dietary restriction, laboratories have extended the maximum age of laboratory animals - Ohio State Physics Dept

Zeaxanthin is a super antioxidant that somehow manages to work its way from your digestive system to your head and eyes. It preserves your optic nerves and your sensory nerves. It also gives your skin back the youthful health of, well, your youth. Loosing it over age is what ‘makes your brown eyes blue.’ Oddly, most antioxidants can’t get transported up there.

“The biological mechanisms governing retinal capture and accumulation of lutein and zeaxanthin, to the exclusion of other carotenoids, are still poorly understood” - Pub Med

Astaxanthin is the most powerful super antioxidant known to man but does most all of it’s cellular rejuvination work below the neck. Astaxanthin is most remarkable in your vital organs like your liver (if you’ve ever been hung over, try Biodrux NOAGIN and ask yourself how you feel 10 minutes later). But more than just your organs like kindeys, spleen, pancreas, and lungs, if you’ve ever experienced that stressed muscle cramping kink, using NOAGIN (atleast to me) releases that cramped stiffness within minutes.

super antioxidants stop aging. Yep. You read it correctly

Now, the bigger question, why are super antioxidants important? Basically, super antioxidants stop aging. Yep. You read it correctly. Eventually, scientist had to find the molecular and genetic mechanism of aging didn’t they? They did.

Let’s deal with how aging happens. In the same way that sailors in the early 1900’s didn’t know that Vitamin C was needed to prevent scurvy and death, until recent genetic science developments, people didn’t know that DNA doesn’t make a perfect copy of itself. In fact, just like copying an 8-Track to a cassette tape, there can be serious mutations in the cell splitting and reproduction department. This is cancer. Cancer is just your own cells that have mutated into a new and noncompatible life-form inside your body.

On a less severe scale, if your cells can’t reproduce perfectly from one generation to the next, even the collagen in your skin deteriorates leaving you with dry wrinkles and even hair-loss. But in all of these cases, what prevents your DNA from replicating perfectly are molecules called “free radicals.” They oxidate your DNA.

Cancer is just your own cells that have mutated into a new and noncompatible life-form inside your body

So, what this means is that if you want to prevent the molecular level cell damage of oxidation, you need super antioxidants. Simple, no?

To make things even more simple, JBNI actually produces two formulas of the most powerful super antioxidants known to man. NOAGIN contains Astaxanthin and Lutein. NOAGIN for Children contains additionally contains Zeaxanthin too. So which should you pick? Well, depends. While NOAGIN for Children contains Astaxanthin, Lutein, and Zeaxanthin, it is also diluted when compared to the Adult formula. What I do is just take 4 childrens caps for every one adult cap I would have taken. That leaves me the best of both worlds! - @journik, Health and Web Consultant.

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So? What do you think of the JBNI Biodrux formulas! Speak up!

OK… so if you have tried the JBNI Biodrux formulas… please do speak up here… get known… make yourself findable… and if you are a physician or distributor who started carrying the formulas after you tried it, say so tooo… in the comments below…

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So? Do You Have a Pet? What???

WOW. Just Wow.

I’ve been tweeting for years now. And I’ve never go to so many replies so quickly. I simply asked the above question in the title about what your pets are: http://twitter.com/journik/statuses/5807389169

You are one passionate lot!

I was going to do a blog post on the joys and challenges of owning a pet FOR KIDS

I asked the question originally because I was going to do a blog post on the joys and challenges of owning a pet FOR KIDS. I remember as a kid, I wanted a pet bird. I never fed him. I still feel guilty.

So… in the comments below… will you pass on the good word about

A) The joys of pet ownership

B) The challenges

C) Your advice to kids about the overall responsibility???

Thanks! I’ll take your answers and create a blog post about it…

PS… LINK ME TO PICTURES OF YOUR PETS WILLYA>!??! I K.N.O.W. You got em! =)

Signed,

Bob Wan-QI Kim.. aka http://twitter.com/journik

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The Partial Road Chapter Six

Continued from http://bioprin.posterous.com/the-partial-road-chapter-five

“The Partial Road” is produced by http://jbni.us — the producer of 33+ extraordinarily effective “naturaceutical” formulas that you can try for FREE at http://jbni.us/naturaceuticals

I heard a knock at the door. I was surprised that I could hear anything at all over the sound of the water. It was Mrs. Griffin. She always had a psychic connection with me.

“Charles,” she never called me ‘Charlie.’

Hun, there’s more wine in the cellar. You’ll find your way

“Is everything ok in there?” She continued.

“Oh, what a stupid thing to ask. I’m sorry,” She continued to dialogue with herself.

“How could everything possibly be ok. You’ve had the hardest two years any boy should have to deal with,” I heard her say through the door.

Honey, I wasn’t attacking you

“If it helps any little bit at all, I want you to know that your Dad and Deborah didn’t split up because of you. You did nothing wrong.”

That last part hit a chord with me. No. It didn’t. It more took the strings that would have made a harmonic chord and raped them. Mrs. Griffin had always been a little off. She was always extremely hospitable to us as a family but it wasn’t until just now that she called Mom Deborah. She always called her Debbie.

When we came over to the house the first time, it was for her husband’s wake. Even then, she had a way of being hospitable and warm while saying things that just sat kinda funny. Mom and I both thought it was odd that she’d call Dad, “Jonathan,” but she called Mom, “hun.” She was a young widow.

It was, “Hun, there’s more wine in the cellar. You’ll find your way.”

It was also, “Hun, if you get tired, you can retire to the guest room upstairs.”

But it was, “Jonathan, would you like another slice of the pot roast? Will you help me get it out of the oven. It’s in a new and far too heavy cassarole.”

I had a game I played with myself. I’d count the number of times

And it was, “Jonathan, I’ve been meaning to change that light bulb for the longest time. Since you’re here, will you hold the chair steady for me?”

That reminds me of when Mom and Dad fought over a chair. It was actually over many of them.

“Honey, I want you to actually pull out the chair for me tonight. Like you used to,” Mom said.

“Deb, stop being silly. You’re perfectly capable of getting the damn chair,” Dad said.

“Honey, I wasn’t attacking you. I just wanted you pull out the chair for me, to do what you used to.”

“What, you don’t like the way I am now? Is that it? Why don’t you tell me what else you’d like me to change about me. Infact why don’t you create a list and post it on the fridge like that other list that circles in red all the groceries I forgot to get!”

“Honey, Dear, I only circled the missing stuff so you would remember!” Mom’s eyes started filling with tears. Her arms crossed.

“Deborah, I’m not a 2nd grader! You don’t circle things in red like Charlie’s teachers do for Charlie!”

Will you please tell him to just care for me like he used to

I had a game I played with myself. I’d count the number of times the hot potato would get hurled back and forth before I was yanked into the conversation.

“Charlie,” Mom started crouching down a bit, “Does my circling things for Dad look like when Mrs. Paolo corrects your homework?”

“How could it not! Charles, can you see how your Mom keeps treating me like a little kid? Do you see it?” Dad asked me.

“Charlie, you don’t have to answer that,” Mom said crying. “Charlie, do you see how insensitive your Father is? Will you please tell him to just care for me like he used to? Just once would be enough. Just once more.”

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What Happens In Aspirin, Stays In Aspirin - Katrina Hamilton

People trust aspirin. It’s exceptionally common and widely used. It’s been on the market for many years. It has been tested safe by the FDA. It works.

However, if people are anything like me (and they so often are) there’s a lot they don’t know about aspirin. So, some facts you didn’t know you didn’t know:

The basis of aspirin is a chemical called salicylic, and it is nothing new. The ancient Egyptians got it from the leaves of the myrtle bush, Native Americans took it from birch bark, and Europeans got it from the willow tree.

So how does aspirin work?
Well, we don’t know, it just does.

Well, we don’t know, it just does. What happens in Aspirin…

At least, that was the answer for the first 70 or so years. It wasn’t until 1971 that a sexy scientist by the name of John Vane figured out that aspirin inhibited the enzymes known as COX-1 and COX-2. Why does this matter? Well, these enzymes make prostaglandins, which are sort of like a hormonal Pony Express, relaying messages throughout the body (actually they don’t move around the body, so they’re more like hormonal switch board operators, but I didn’t want to use such an archaic and outdated reference).

This is where things start to get ironic. COX-1 is vital for normal stomach and kidney function, so inhibiting it with aspirin can cause big stomach problems. But, because COX-1 is being blocked, regularly taking aspirin can reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke. Of course, the same blood thinning work aspirin does to prevent regular stokes increases your risk of hemorrhagic strokes (bleeding in the brain).

That’s right, you can actually cause one kind of stroke by preventing another.

They did. And it gave people heart attacks

This is because the body is all about balance. Just like cheesecake and children, COX-1 is only bad for you when you have the wrong amount.

With COX-2 things seem simpler. COX-2 is responsible for sending messages about pain, inflammation, and fever. So when you block COX-2 none of those messages get to your brain (remember that just like most over the counter stuff, aspirin treats the symptoms and not the disease. It doesn’t actually cure your arthritis, it just makes you forget about it for awhile).

That’s right, you can actually cause one kind of stroke by preventing another

So wait, if messing with COX-1 causes all these problems why not make a medicine that only inhibits COX-2? They did. And it gave people heart attacks.

Once again, it’s about balance. When taken straight from the willow tree, salicylic inhibits both COX-1 and COX-2, but when they are separated, all hell breaks lose. If by ‘all hell’ we mean massive and unexplainable cardiovascular problems, which sounds like hell to me.

COX blocking aside (o_O), aspirin is still completely safe. That’s because in the United States safe means less than 16,500 deaths a year, which is how many people die from the side effects of aspirin. By these standards, you really should stop worrying about sharks, bears, and being struck by lightning.

In 2003, four people died from a shark attack. 26 died from contact with hot water (o_O). 5,462 died of intentional self poisoning. (Source: Vagabondish also photo above.)

I don’t mean to say that aspirin is evil. Far from it. I’m just using it as an example. It’s easy to take something like aspirin for granted. It’s easy to distance it from its natural roots. It’s easy to assume there’s no down side. It’s easy to think it must work since it’s been around so long. It’s easy to believe we’d never take medicine that we don’t understand.

The fact is that just because something’s not evil doesn’t mean it’s good for you, and just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. Just don’t forget to keep your body balanced. And seriously, stay away from the sharks.

This post is produced by http://jbni.us … Oddly, you can actually sample their extraordinarily potent “naturaceuticals” for your breathing, internal organ, and hormon/endocrine “badassification” free … See: http://jbni.us/naturaceuticals

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10 Fun Facts About Heroine - Katrina Hamilton

Who knew? You could be buying Heroine from the supermarket and Asprin could have been illegal (atleast according to Katrina =).

This Blog is produced by http://jbni.us — The perveyors of 33+ extraordinarily effective “naturaceuticals” for your mind, emotional power, physical health, and life overall!

1) Originally heroin was marketed as both cough medicine and as a non-addictive replacement for morphine.

2) Known then as diacetylmorphine, heroine was first synthesized by Felix Hoffmann two weeks after he created aspirin.

3) The Bayer company produced and sold Heroin for 15 years.

some claimed it made them feel “heroic,”

4) Heinrich Dreser, the man in charge of testing the efficacy and safety of new drugs for Bayer in 1898, originally rejected Aspirin saying, “The product has no value.” He believed it would detract from the publicity for heroin, their real wonder drug.

5) Pharmacologically, morphine and heroin are very similar. But it takes four times are much morphine to get the same effect.

6) Many people don’t realize that heroin is actually a brand name. When it was first tested on workers at Bayer, some claimed it made them feel “heroic,” a term used by chemists to describe any strong drug.

7) To support their drug habits, users in East Coast cities such as New York and Philadelphia would often collect and sell scrap metal. This gave them the name “junkies.”

 

8) Ninety-five percent of the world’s legal heroin consumption is for medical use in Britain.

9) In 1898 the typical drug addict in Britain was a middle-class woman in her forties. Today it is an 18-year-old male.

10) Some speculate that before his death Heinrich Dreser had become addicted to heroin, the drug he had originally chosen to market over aspirin. He died of a stroke, something that might have been prevented had he been taking aspirin daily. Apparently one bad decision can haunt you for the rest of your life.

 

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The Partial Road Chapter Five

“The Partial Road” is produced by http://jbni.us — The team that brings you 33 extraordinary “naturaceutical” formulas for 33 aspects of your health, body, and life (emotions, organs, performance, skin, detox, more… ). Join us on our facebook page to request free samples! Friend: http://www.facebook.com/nutriceuticals - Continued from Chapter Four.

I hadn’t noticed until just then that my knees were bleeding. I hadn’t moved at all from the position I initially collapsed into. The fact that my new slacks were black also helped. But against the white of the tub and the white of the shiny tiles two red puddles are hard to miss.

They reminded me of the old house. The way the sidewalk in front was, whenever it rained, I had to just about tightrope walk on the raised part between the two puddles. The roots of a tree with a tire hanging from it was beneath it all.

The City of Orange eventually sent men out with hard-hats and orange florescent vests. They must have spent three days just looking at the tree. Then on the fourth day, they took turns planting their steel toe boots on the old tire while they each smoked. I liked that the left puddle always had twice as many cigarette butts in it than the right. No matter how many days went by, no matter how many packs were smoked, the left always had twice what the right had.

They were trying to uproot the tree by leaning against it

One day, on my way back from school, Mom was standing out in front of the old house. The men were still there. Holding back a smile, she ran up to me as soon as she saw me come around the corner. She picked me up in front of the big yellow sign that had been there since day one of the tree staredown competition. Behind the sign were the men. They were trying to uproot the tree by leaning against it.

The sign read: “Slow Men Working.”

I love my Mom. Loved.

Mom was always pointing out the ironies of life. Once when she took me to the dentist who was on the second floor of his two story building. We normally take the stairs but she took me into the elevator. She had that holding back of smile gleem in her eyes. I knew I was looking for something Ironic. She asks me to push to button to Dr. Levenworth’s floor. We both smiled. We were both thinking to each other, “There’s only one other floor. Isn’t the second button kinna silly?”

There was a comedian she loved. While doing dishes, she’d watch his show on the little tiny black and white tv next to the toaster. She called me over to see a part she liked. It was a rerun. “So why do we drive on ‘park ways’ and park on ‘driveways?’”

Instead, she introduced me to a man with a German Shephard

Another day, Mom caught me three blocks from the house walking back from school. She walked this way to the store. She didn’t have any bags in her hands. Instead, she introduced me to a man with a German Shephard. He was Asian. His name was Mr. Rhee.

I looked into Mom’s eyes wondering why she was introducing me to this stranger. As far a I was concerned, if you didn’t live within, “Dinner’s ready!” screaming distance, you weren’t a neighbor. But there it was. Mom was holding back her entrancing smile again.

“Charles, This is Mr. Rhee,” she said.

“Mr. Rhee is training his dog Cinderella in English. Watch,” Mom said ready to burst with happiness.

You could tell Mr. Rhee was proud of having trained Cinderella. He was excited to show me what she could do. He was excited to show me how obedient she was. He commanded, “Shin-dah-lellah, SHIT! SHIT Shindalellah!”

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The Partial Road. Chapter Four.

Continued from Chapter Three

“The Partial Road,” is produced by http://jbni.us … The fountain of 33 extraordinarily delightful and effective formulas for your health, life, and longevity. Look into Leitzin when you get there.

I don’t know if you’ve ever cried your eyes out. When you do, you realise that there’s a bunch more beneath. You tap into your heart and cry your heart out. And when you get to the bottom of that, you realize you still have so, so, so much more. You start exhausting your soul for tears.

Then something unexpected happens. It’s hard to explain. I suppose the easiest thing to compare it to is falling in love with someone who’s guts you hate. Or hated. But suddenly. In one shift from red to green, without any yellow in between, you find yourself filled up with joy. Just pure joy.

I loved Paulo Cuelo’s books. If I was an alchemist, I’d swear, this was alchemy. Getting to the point where you’ve poured out your whole soul to the point of death teleports you into another dimension. I don’t remember the last time I walked an experience down so far down it’s road.

What followed bruised my freshly forming male ego

“You can marry him in 25 years if you study really hard and learn to love yourself through and through,” I heard Mom say to a girl who must have been thrice my height when I was four years old.

“He’s so adorable I just wanna hug him forever,” the girl sitting one row up from us said to her mom just before my Mom laid down the terms of bethrothal.

“I think you’re the prettiest girl in church!” my four year old head blurted as I pulled on her hair starting this entire love fest ‘87. That’s when she turned around and told her mom she wanted to hug me.

I flew through the air like a gigantic, ummm what do you call those things

What followed bruised my freshly forming male ego. It must have been it’s first bruise. Mom handed me over the theater seat backs like a sack of Valencia oranges you get from those illegal immigrant dudes wearing cowboy hats off every I-5 exit from La Jolla Village to Burbank Blvd.

The girl grabbed me. She just grabbed me whole. She squeezed me so hard into her chest, my cheeks almost popped.

“Oh, mom, look at how cute he is! His cheeks are turning so red it looks like he’s going to pop!” she said.

I remember all this because I remember thinking, “That’s wierd. Her breasts are about like Mom’s breasts but her nipples are so small.”

Then I remembered an earlier time. Dad held both my hands and started spinning me. I flew through the air like a gigantic, ummm what do you call those things on sticks that you spin over your head that everyone just calls ‘noise makers?’

I was in the safest place in the whole wide world

My feet felt gigantic too. I loved it.

Then Mom grabbed my ankles.

“Darling, let’s show Charlie how it feels to fly!” Mom said with the most mischievously sparkling eyes.

Mom and Dad lifted me overhead a hundred feed and I hovered there, in outer space, safely grounded to the planet earth by Mom and Dad’s powerful grips. Then, I dropped a million miles faster than a meteor and landed on earth like a snowflake. This cycle was set on permanent press repeat.

When Dad lifted me by my arms to straighten me out, my red and blue checkered Vans Off The Walls stumbled over each other to run toward Mom’s knees. But instead of kissing the grass with my front teeth, Mom’s strong arms hoisted me up to safety. I was in my Mom’s arms. I was in the safest place in the whole wide world.

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The Partial Road. Chapter Three

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By the time we got to Mrs. Griffin’s house, my sheets of numbness had slid off leaving me with the feeling of anger. It was cold naked anger. I had never felt so much hatred for Dad or anyone for that matter. The way my objectivity had left me in sheets, I wanted to tear at the layers of my father’s face. I’d leave his eyes for last then work from the whites to the center, the ignorant, insensitive center.

The sound of a wine glass shattering brought me back to earth. I looked around. Most of the same people who were at the funeral made it to Mrs. Griffin’s house. Actually, there were more people at the house than were at the funeral. Three of them came in tattered jeans. Five were in t-shirts. Fourteen were in sneakers — that made 28 eight pairs of squeaking sneakers on Mrs. Griffin’s marble floor tiles.

I noticed that my anger was still there. In fact, it was more there. I looked around at the laughing faces. Most of them were laughing. Most of them were stuffing their pig faces with the food Mrs. Griffin had catered.

Mom had just brought them cold beer

Mr. Gregory and Mr. Nigel were talking about their upcoming golf game. Mr. Leinhardt and Mr. Cole were talking about the new boat Mr. Robbins just bought. Mrs. Kenner and Mrs. Cole were debating about whether Gary or Steven (their respective kids) would be the Walton Place Jr. High’s socker team captain. Mrs. Grossberg was telling Mrs. Balton that Mom should have left Dad after the first time. All of them were drinking red wine.

Mr. Nigel and Mr. Leinhardt where over for a football game a while back. Dad was out back bringing in more hotdogs — the spicy kind. Mom had just brought them cold beer. As walked away, Mr. Leinhardt said to Mr. Nigel, “I’d tap that so hard she’d be cured.”

In my mind, I ran through Mrs. Griffin’s vaulted living room. I threw the full plates of food from each hand to each face. I grabbed wine glasses and smashed them over the ears of each pig standing there acting like they actually cared about Mom.

I didn’t.

I heard that Chad Fogerty did something like this last year at his Dad’s wake. I couldn’t stand the thought of all the kids at school calling me a copy-cat. I could see their faces. I could hear them whispering. I could feel the notes and texts and messages flying around school about how I was a copy-cat. I couldn’t.

I couldn’t.

“You stupid puny-looser-idiot!” I screamed at myself.

I didn’t want to make any noise. I couldn’t.

I ran up the long winding flight of stairs behind me into the upstairs bathroom. Softly, I leaned against the inside of the bathroom door closing it. I didn’t want to make any noise. I couldn’t.

Collapsing on the cold marble floor hard enough to make my knees bleed, I draped myself over the side of the coldest porcelain tub you can imagine.

I couldn’t even stand up for Mom after her death. I was afraid of what the other kids would say about me.

I wept. I turned on the bath water. It was cold. But it covered my whimpering.

“If I stood up for Mom, my beautiful glowie Mom, while she was alive, she might not have died at all.”

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